1. I’m too early. There’s no one here. But everyone said we were meeting at 10:30. Geez, I look like a loser. There’s not even anyone on the dance floor. Maybe I’ll just get a drink.
2. Yay, friends. More drinks. Wanna drink? Let’s drink. Excellent.
3. “How are you?”
4. I didn’t actually hear anything you just said.
5. Why is everyone just standing around. Did we all come here to stand around or did we come here to dance? No, I’m not going first.
6. Where’s the DJ in this place? I hear music, but I see no one. Oh, there he is.
7. Look at the eager beavers out there on the dance floor. There’s four of them, but look! They’re owning it. Should we go? We should go. Naw, you’re right. Let’s wait.
8. Should I be the one to haul all my friends out there? No one’s moving. Anti-social Andy doesn’t even look like he wants to be here.
9. Ahh, the music’s loud. It’s hurting my ears. How can anyone stand this, let alone enjoy this? I don’t even wanna dance. I knew I should have stayed in tonight.
10. IT’S MY JAM! Dance floor, dance floor, dance floor, dance floor.
11. We’re jumping, we’re jumping, annndd bass drop. Someone just touched my butt.
12. And I just saw private parts. Time to look up. Hands in the air. Look back down. And there it is again. What the hell was that person thinking? Get some underwear!
13. No, don’t try and squeeze through here, buddy. Don’t you see me dancing? Go around the dance floor. Yeah, that’s right.
14. Random dude dancing near us. Oh, he’s coming closer to Modest Molly. Does she want it? Do I save her? Maybe she can read stares. Do you need help? Do you need help?
15. Oh, there’s the nod. Fancy a dance, Modest Molly?
16. Okay, I’m hot. I need to get off this dancefloor. I think I’ll go outside.
17. God, it’s cold out here.
18. I gotta pee but I know the bathrooms are gonna be disgusting. But I can’t hold it anymore.
19. This bathroom is worse than I thought it would be. I’m not tipping the bathroom attendant.
20. Thank you, bathroom attendant, for the paper towel. I shall bestow upon you 2 full dollars.
21. Hello, bouncer. No, I did not vomit in the stall. Look: shiny, clean. Now, time to walk straight. Wave. Act natural. Right foot, left foot.
22. I just waved at the bouncer. He totally knows I’m drunk.
23. Bartender. Bartender. Make eye contact with me! God, I think he’s avoiding me. Look! I got money in my hand. Yup, there you are.
24. This drink is totally only vodka and ice. What happened to the 7up?
25. What song is this? Why does everyone know the lyrics except for me?
26. HA! I know this song. That’s right. I’m current too!
27. Where does one put empty cups in this establishment?
28. And Anti-social Andy is gonna be sick. I swear, can we go one time without this happening? I’m getting too old for this shit.
29. Oh, there it is. Thanks, Andy. Yeah, we’re leaving.
30. Do you think the taxi driver will go through the McDonald’s drive-thru?